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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29247093">Is this world not meant for me?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WandaWrite/pseuds/WandaWrite'>WandaWrite</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cobra Kai (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Blood and Injury, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Hatred</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:07:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,719</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29247093</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WandaWrite/pseuds/WandaWrite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A somewhat dark take on the events post season 3 concerning Robby and his initiation into Kreese's Cobra Kai.</p><p>(Will change summary when I come up with a better one)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miguel Diaz &amp; Robby Keene, Robby Keene &amp; Daniel LaRusso, Robby Keene &amp; John Kreese, Robby Keene &amp; Johnny Lawrence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I don't like my mind right now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I already have another cobra kai fic I haven't completed but Robby being so abandoned in season 3 just broke my heart and so I wanted to write a story about him.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Sometimes the world can be cruel, so you learn to be cruel yourselves" Kreese proclaimed, arms crossed as he stared ahead at his students, "You show no mercy because life shows no mercy" stare sharpening, he zeroed in on the newest cobra in his roster, "So that when the fight inevitably comes to you… you can finish it"</p><p> </p><p>Standing there, wrapped in a gi he never thought he'd wear, Robby's head pounded from his locker headbutt of two days ago as he listened to the man's speech. The first thing that came to mind was that this was nothing like Miyagi Do and not for the first time that week, Robby started to get doubts.</p><p> </p><p><em>Finishing the fight</em>… <em>showing</em> <em>no mercy</em>… He'd been there, done that and it hadn't made the world any less cruel.</p><p> </p><p>Would fighting back against the world with his own cruelty really fix anything? Could things in his life even be fixed?</p><p> </p><p>An endless stream of questioning filled Robby's head at that, putting pressure on his migraine. Thinking back to what caused the pain in the first place, his jaw tightened in anger. He'd crashed into that locker even harder than the one in juvy. Even built-like-a-truck Shawn hadn't thrown him hard enough to make him black out. So, yeah… his head was killing him and had been since the fight. Rage stirred within Robby as the unpleasant memories of his dad invaded his mind.</p><p> </p><p>Finished with his speech, Sensei Kreese called the training session to an end, dismissing the other students. They slowly shuffled out the dojo with Robby just standing there. Unlike them, he didn't really have anywhere to go, not anymore. </p><p> </p><p>He watched them leave, catching Tory's eye as she turned to go, "see you tomorrow" she said amicably enough but still holding her guard up.</p><p> </p><p>Between stealing the cobra from the zoo with her and finding out she staged an attack at the LaRusso's, Robby didn't know what to think of her. She was angry, he could tell that much. And he knew that that kind of anger didn't just go away.</p><p> </p><p>Still… Fighting at the LaRusso's, it left Robby conflicted. Despite still feeling a world of betrayal at just the thought of Sam, he couldn't help but wonder if she was okay.</p><p> </p><p>He tried again to put those thoughts out of his mind as he looked at Tory, unsure of what to feel towards her, "see you" he came out with eventually. She left after that, the dojo's only inhabitants quickly becoming just him and Sensei Kreese.</p><p> </p><p>The clock on the back wall ticked rhythmically in the tentative silence between them until the old man broke it, </p><p>"What's on your mind, kid?" He asked, uncrossing his arms to rest his hands in the belt loop of his gi.</p><p> </p><p>Robby regarded him carefully, wondering how much trust to have in the man. He'd already been burned enough times to know that just because things were good now didn't mean they always would be. More often than not, it meant that something bad was just around the corner.</p><p>"Just" Robby started, opting for a small smile of gratitude, "Thanks for letting me stay here" he settled on, not really having anything else to say.</p><p> </p><p>Pursing his lips slightly, Kreese gave a single nod, "No problem, like I said, stay as long as you like" The man's piercing gaze narrowed at the sight of Robby's bruised forehead, "how's your head?"</p><p> </p><p>The migraine doubled at the mention of the bruise and Robby felt an urge to push his hair to the front. If nobody could see it, then they couldn't talk to him about it which Kreese had done since he got the injury. </p><p>While some part of Robby didn't mind someone kind of caring, he really didn't need a verbal reminder of the fight with his dad when the throbbing pain did it for him, "It's fine" he said, turning his head slightly to the side, "better"</p><p> </p><p>"Good" Kreese nodded, "Can't have one of my best soldiers out of commission" he added, his smirk not reaching his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Being called his <em> best soldier </em> was… well it wasn't like Robby minded it that much. It was almost nice to be valued in a way, like he had a place here, a real place. Somewhere he was actually wanted.</p><p> </p><p>-But Mr. LaRusso had wanted him too, at least, until Robby messed up like he always did. First it was lying about Dad, then lying about Sam, then kicking-</p><p> </p><p>Robby inhaled sharply. He didn't really have a place at Miyagi Do anymore, especially with Sam… and she had wanted him too, once… but that was all gone now.</p><p> </p><p>With Kreese's eyes on him, Robby made an effort to look more put together than he felt. The man observed him for a few more seconds before going into the main office, saying Robby knew where to find him if he needed anything. </p><p> </p><p>After giving a quick thanks to the man, Robby went to the back room of the dojo, a space that had been declared his unofficial bedroom. It was nothing close to the LaRusso's guesthouse but god knows it was ten times better than the streets.</p><p> </p><p>And it wasn't like he was still sleeping on the floor. Just this morning, Kreese had gotten him a fold out bed. <em> It's nothing fancy, </em>the old guy said.</p><p> </p><p>Robby didn't know what to think at the time, he just nodded as a surge of uneasy gratitude rushed through him. The man's next words struck an even odder feeling, <em> Or if you prefer, I have a couch… up to you if you're looking for a more permanent setup… </em></p><p> </p><p>The only reason Robby had shown up at Kreese's dojo was because he had nowhere else to go. He didn't expect to still be here, much less have his own bed now. <em> A more permanent set up… </em>it made him hesitant.</p><p> </p><p>After being released from juvy, Robby had walked around aimlessly, trying to sort out his thoughts. Mr. LaRusso's words had played on loop in his head, <em> you always have a home at Miyagi Do- you always- </em></p><p>Eventually he'd bitten the bullet and went back to the dojo that had once given him a new- better path in life only to find Sam there. Sam there with <em> him. </em></p><p> </p><p><em> You always have a home at Miyag- </em>No he didn't.</p><p> </p><p>Walking into the cobra kai dojo, Robby had known from the look on Sensei Kreese's face that he'd expected him to show up. At first, it made him angry but gradually he started to understand that it had all been inevitable.</p><p> </p><p>A man could only be tolerant for so long. Mr. LaRusso had been patient with Robby, more patient than any adult had ever been with him. But every person had their limits and Mr.LaRusso's had been reached twice already. Robby knew it wouldn't take much for a third time so going back to Miyagi Do just wasn't an option anymore. He didn't want to gain false hope a third time only to get the carpet pulled from under him.</p><p> </p><p>Robby sat there on the fold-out bed for a while, it creaked beneath him as he breathed in and out. A year of Miyagi Do meditation wasn't forgotten so easily and the slow inhale and exhale he was doing helped clear his head.</p><p> </p><p>It was just him in the dojo now. Kreese had left a little while ago to go back to his apartment… a place with a spare couch… in case Robby wanted something more permanent…</p><p> </p><p>He knew Kreese needed him to win the tournament. He was well aware of what he was to him; a pawn with a useful part to play. </p><p> </p><p>He'd figured that out from their first meeting when he had visited him in juvy. While the man's karate advice had been helpful, Robby knew what putting on an act sounded like. After all, he'd done it enough times during Trey and Cruz's money-making schemes. Put on a nice act, like he was helping the target out when really, he was helping himself to what he wanted. Kreese put on a nice act, like he was looking out for Robby when really, he was just looking for a new 'soldier' to join his ranks.</p><p> </p><p>That's why Robby couldn't let himself get too comfortable here. There wasn't anything permanent about it even though it sometimes felt like it. </p><p> </p><p>Robby's next steps were simple. He would keep staying here, in the backroom of the dojo. Dark green walls all around him and a punching bag as his only roommate. It could be worse and it wouldn't be forever, just until his mom got out of rehab.</p><p> </p><p>She was trying to get better for him. Really trying. And once she got out, they could live together again and make their place a real home this time. </p><p> </p><p>There was a future there. He just had to stick it out long enough with Kreese to get to it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Three in the morning and Robby still couldn't sleep. His head felt like it was splitting in half. The pain had radiated to behind his eyes, making every blink an exhaustive effort. The fight with his dad constantly reappeared in his thoughts, feeding the anger inside him.</p><p> </p><p>He had wanted this… he had wanted his dad to hit him back… he'd wanted him to fight back. In that moment, winning wasn't what had mattered to Robby. He just wanted to hurt his dad as much as he had hurt him.</p><p> </p><p>All those years… All the blame, the self-hatred, the worthlessness he'd felt after being left behind, after being put second- no fourth behind the parties, the drinks, the drugs. All those times that mom had chosen some random guy to spend her time with over him. All those times dad had preferred getting wasted at some bar over seeing his only son. </p><p>All those times he got pushed around by one of mom's boyfriends wishing there was somewhere else he could go. And dad never being an option. Johnny Lawrence was never at his place and he never picked up the phone. Even in the rare times he did, all that could be heard was a slurring mess of excuses.</p><p> </p><p>All Robby wanted from that fight was to make him hurt.</p><p> </p><p>But it didn't work. His dad was now back home with Miguel and his family and Sam and Miyagi Do and Mr. LaRusso and- </p><p>and Robby was here, staring up at the ceiling and still unable to sleep.</p><p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Stacking up problems</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Settling in</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Robby didn't know how he was going to fight against the 'enemy' as Sensei Kreese had put it when he was already losing the fight to keep his eyes open. It had definitely been a rough night, filled with tossing and turning and troubling thoughts that kept him half-awake till the break of dawn.</p><p> </p><p>It also still felt like a dagger was deeply lodged in the side of his head. The pain had subsided somewhat by the time training started but it still left his movements slow. Something Tory quickly took advantage of during their sparring session, throwing him onto his back with relative ease, "I guess they don't really teach you how to fight at Miyagi Do" she remarked, moving back as she watched him get up.</p><p> </p><p>The mention of his former dojo only increased his migraine, "If that's true, how'd you lose the fight at the LaRusso's?" He bit back, getting into an attack stance. </p><p> </p><p>Tory's eyebrows drew together in annoyance as she aimed a kick at his torso, "I didn't <em> lose </em>- whose side are you on anyway?" She accused, missing her target.</p><p> </p><p>Catching her ankle, he sent her backwards, "I'm not on anyone's side, being here, in cobra kai, it's just temporary for me" he huffed, barely missing her punch after she righted herself from his attack.</p><p> </p><p>"Let me guess, planning to run away again?" She called him out, blocking his swing.</p><p> </p><p>Robby scoffed, about to go in for a kick when Sensei Kreese put a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back slightly, "Now now Nichols, Mr. Keene here is still recovering"</p><p> </p><p>Getting the urge to hide his wound again, Robby leaned out of Kreese's hold, "I'm fine" he countered.</p><p> </p><p>"Top drawer on the right. Inside's a couple of batons, get them for me and then take a break" the man ordered, gesturing towards the office, "You can't fight the enemy if you're too busy fighting yourself" he informed Robby, cutting off any protest from the newest cobra who reluctantly stomped off to the office.</p><p> </p><p><em> Take a break </em> … It was almost like Kreese cared. Well, Robby supposed he did when it came to him being in the best fighting form possible to take on the <em> enemy </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Circling the desk, he opened the drawer on the right. The sound of clattering objects filled the air as Robby opened it with more force than necessary. Looking inside, he found the normal things you'd expect to find in an office desk. Some documents, a notebook, various pill bottles holding Sensei Kreese's old man medicine, some pens and the batons he'd been asked to get.</p><p> </p><p>For a split second he wondered if any of it was stuff that belonged to his dad. It was his dojo at first after all, before he had lost it to Kreese. A feeling of frustration started to flood him and he forced those thoughts aside.</p><p> </p><p>Grabbing and placing the wooden batons on the desk, Robby slid the drawer shut. All the moving around just made his headache worse. </p><p> </p><p>Kreese was right, he couldn't be his own worst enemy. Taking a break wasn't such a bad idea.</p><p><br/>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Pretty short chapter this time.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. So unecessary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Apart from a couple of emails back and forth in juvy, Robby hadn't spoken to his mom for some time. He'd lost his phone during the school fight and the rehab centre made her hand over hers when she'd started. Computer emails had been their only line of communication. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not having anything to do after training finished, he'd gone down to use the computers at the local library. He sent a message around the time he knew she'd be online, just a heads up that he was coming to visit in a few days.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She responded straightaway, sending him an entire block paragraph on how happy she was to hear from him, how proud she was that he finished juvy and how she couldn't wait to see him again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Robby read every line carefully, a lump forming in his throat by the time he reached the end of the message. He hadn't realized how long it had been since someone told him stuff like that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blinking back the waterworks so that he didn't embarrass himself in public, Robby reread the message a few more times. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After replying that he missed her too and telling her to take care of herself, he'd left the library feeling almost happy. Coming back to the empty dojo that night wasn't so bad with his mom's voice in his head saying she loved him.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>While his head still hurt the next morning, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> wake up in a better mood than usual. And training </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> went a lot better than usual with him finally managing to even the score between him and Tory, "I guess they don't really teach you how to defend in cobra kai" he remarked, echoing her past commentary on his fighting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her breathing sped up in the effort to take back all the oxygen that had left her when she'd hit the floor, "Don't need to" she hissed before trapping his calf between her legs and instantly pulling back once her limbs were locked in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Robby had forgotten about cobra kai's 'the fight's not over till you say it's over' credo and left himself open to the attack. It quickly brought him down to her level and he landed backwards on the mat with a thud.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tory smirked at him and, strangely, he found the corner of his lips quirking upwards to match. It was kind of fun, he realized. Different to what he was used to but… fun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Miyagi Do had been calming, helped him take that ball of anger within him and try to unravel it. Which had worked… at least up to a point...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seeing the way Tory fought… How she let her anger out and used it. It wasn't that hard to understand the appeal. Even though he knew, from experience, of all the trouble it could bring, Robby still couldn't help thinking that it seemed so much more freeing. So much more…of a release than the bottling up he had been used to. He let that thought sit in regret as he pushed himself back up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Me and some of the others are going to the arcade this saturday after training" Tory mentioned, snapping Robby out of his musings.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He let out a sarcastic huff, "You want to steal Sensei Kreese a pinball machine now?" He joked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The ease he started to feel around Tory these days was surprising. In a weird way, getting along with her felt almost natural. Not knowing what to do with that fact, he redirected his attention elsewhere, watching the fights of the other cobra kai students.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rolling her eyes at him, Tory shook her head, "No, we're going for fun" she said, tightening her ponytail in preparation for more sparring, "you should come along"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Robby blinked at the invitation, memories automatically filling his brain. The last time he could remember going to an arcade was years ago. He was 9 and his mom had gone on a date with some guy that worked there, leaving him playing on the game machines until the place shut. It was a pain waiting ages to be picked up by her in the cold but he could admit that it was a pretty fun night overall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After the mess that had been his last few months, he could use a fun night, "Sure"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Cool" she nodded, immediately throwing a punch at his barely healed head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He swiftly blocked, pushing her arm down and away with enough force that her whole body went back. She quickly used the space between them to her advantage, mercilessly swinging her leg into the side of his torso.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Again, he blocked, somewhat enjoying how annoyed she was getting by his fighting style. He could tell she didn't like the fact that his moves were more defense than offense. Frustration was in her features as she tried moving in close enough to elbow him only to miss when he jumped sideways in response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What? Forgot how to throw a punch?" She sniped at him, almost playfully and yet mostly provoking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Robby had been clenching his fist to do just that when Kreese's voice boomed from the front of the room, ordering them all to fall in. Everyone quickly took their places around the mat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Robby's head injury had kept him benched during all the other dojo matches. But today, Kreese had finally declared him healed enough to participate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Letting his eyes scan across the room at the others, Robby figured that he had a pretty good chance against most, if not all, of them. As far as he could see, Tory was the best fighter here and he could hold his own against her pretty well. So the other cobra kais probably wouldn't be too hard to beat in a fight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bouncing lightly on the mat in anticipation, Robby waited. All these days being made to sit out, he'd built up a certain restlessness. It wasn't like he was itching for a fight, he just needed release, just something to distract him-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The doors to the dojo were suddenly thrown open, letting in a warm breeze and everyone's attention turned to the exit as a tall figure moved into view.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seeing the person who'd just walked in, Robby stilled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Cutting it a bit close on your first day, Mr. Payne" Kreese commented sharply, his grin equal parts irritated and amused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not waiting on a reply, Kreese made his way to the new arrival as he addressed the class, "Everyone, allow me to introduce you to the newest cobra in our ranks" His grin sharpened, "Mr Payne" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Robby's face had a subtle transition from shock to confusion and then finally to anger as he stared at the guy he'd fought at juvy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why don't you just leave me alone, man?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That ain't never gonna happen, you're always gonna be watching your back-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not the empty threats he'd thought they were. Thinking back to his two month stint in juvy, something didn't feel right. After Robby fought back and landed them both with warnings, Shawn had mostly stayed away and let him be. So why was the guy here now? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unease gripped the teenager's stomach as questions filled his head. Was he here to join Cobra Kai? Did Sensei Kreese recruit him? How did Kreese even know-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-Dammit…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kreese knew about Shawn because </span>
  <em>
    <span>Robby</span>
  </em>
  <span> mentioned him when he spoke about his time in juvy. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He </span>
  </em>
  <span>told Kreese about how tough of an opponent the ex juvenile offender was. How the guy didn't know any martial arts but could still hold his own. But Robby was just trying to say how cobra kai's techniques were good for fighting someone like that. Instead, he became a walking advertisement for the guy. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beside him, Robby could see Tory's eyes shift between the two of them, probably wondering at the sudden tension.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Forcing his features to relax and appear composed, Robby kept quiet and still, no longer feeling as much eagerness to fight. He wasn't scared but there were lockers in the corner and there was a guy who wouldn't hesitate to smash Robby's head into them. It would be stupid to not be cautious. True, this was a dojo with rules but Robby got the feeling Sensei Kreese didn't put that much emphasis on 'rules' in general.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Glancing momentarily at Kreese, the calculating look in his eyes only fueled Robby's misgivings about the whole thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sensei Kreese assumed his original position at the front of the dojo as he beckoned Shawn to the mat, "Nothing better than a fight for a proper induction into cobra kai" he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taking a breath, Robby straightened up as the expected order fell out of Kreese's mouth, "Keene, step up onto the mat"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Robby took a second before walking onto the mat. He'd already beaten Shawn once and he was mostly confident he could do it again. They both raised their fists up at the same time, locking eyes as they did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shawn smirked at him, moving back and forth in his spot, gearing up for the fight as he glared down at Robby, "Payback time, Karate boy."</span>
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</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh god I didn't realize how long it had been since I updated. I'm still working out bits of the story, it's just a bitch to write out.<br/>Hope you enjoy reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Wish that I could slow things down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Guess who's back,<br/>Back again</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It wasn't like they'd left on bad terms. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>By the end of Robby's sentence, Shawn was more indifferent to him than anything else. No animosity, no glaring looks, nothing. It was like those first few weeks of fights had never even happened.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The 180° change in attitude had felt a little </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>easy considering how intent the guy had been on making his life hell. But Robby was just relieved to not have to be on the constant lookout for attacks anymore. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of his time in juvie was mainly spent on his own after that and while the lack of social interaction got to him at points, it was better than having to go to the infirmary every other day.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So no, they hadn't left on bad terms but Robby would be lying if he said he ever wanted to see the guy again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yet, here Shawn was, smirking at him like he'd always been planning to pick up where they'd left off. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Within a matter of seconds, their match had twisted from an aggressive spar to a violent clash where the main goal quickly became to inflict as much damage as possible.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was a goal that Robby was a slight closer to as he instinctively dodged a charged up fist, using the momentum to ram an elbow into the centre of his opponent's face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Crack.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He saw the others wince at the brutality of the hit while Kreese only raised his head slightly, undeterred as he looked on, awaiting the outcome. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In that moment, out of nowhere really, Robby thought about Mr. LaRusso. He thought about him standing there instead of Kreese and he wondered what kind of look he would be giving him right now. One of Surprise? Anger? Or just that crushing look of disappointment because his student, once again, couldn't keep a lid on his emotions</span>
  <span> and, once again, went <em>way</em> <em>too far.</em></span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shawn suffered a moment of disorientation as blood gushed from his nose, painting his snarl a crimson red. To the surprise of many, It didn't take long for him to recover, aggressively wiping the blood away with one hand and then sending his other directly at Robby's temple.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Robby guarded enough that the hit didn't fully connect but it still hurt. A burst of sharp pain blossomed underneath his skull, quickly merging with the prior head injury and reducing the minimal healing he'd gone through to nothing. Jumping to the side to deflect another blow, he had to hold in a groan of pain at the quick movement.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Strength and speed were definitely a bit more in Shawn's favour but Robby had technique and a good deal of pain tolerance. He was able to take on the messy hard hits from Shawn's side while delivering more targeted kicks and punches that weakened the ex juvenile offender over time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soon enough, Shawn looked like he was feeling the effects as he moved his fatigued limbs around, the energy he'd had in the beginning now gone. Robby wasn't that much better off but he focused on his breathing. It helped him keep a clear head while his opponent seemed to miss the mark the angrier he got. Forcing out the pain through deep calm breaths, he was able to stay in control of his emotions- </span>
  <em>
    <span>So why hadn't he done that then? Why had he lost control- He should've stayed in contro-</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Robby's eyes narrowed in frustration as he pushed the unnecessary thoughts away. He focused back on his opponent and decided on his next move, something that would finally bring an end to this exhaustive brawl.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Taking advantage of Shawn's eagerness to hit him, Robby pretended to let his guard down on his right as he moved himself forward for the final hit. As expected, his opponent leapt at the newly vulnerable area, inadvertently opening up his torso just enough for Robby to swivel backwards and send his knee hard into Shawn's middle.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shawn dropped to the mat like a rock. A shot like that to the liver left the guy furiously gasping for breath. He needed a few seconds to stabilize himself but Cobra Kai wasn't somewhere you could be granted a few seconds.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Finish h-"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kreese didn't even need to give the order because Robby sent a punch to Shawn's head the second he started to get up. It made him crash back down to the mat instantly, letting out another grunt of pain as he did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Looking around, Robby saw the others look at him with wary expressions. They might've thought he was being merciless, but you had to be with guys like Shawn. If Robby stayed with his Miyagi Do mercy in juvy, he'd probably be limping by now or something.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As if to prove his point, Shawn pushed off anyone trying to help him off the mat and slowly rose back to his full height. A blood-soaked smirk stretched the lower half of his face, "Alright, I'm not done" he growled out, "let's go again, bitch"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Robby had to take a moment to process Shawn's unbelievable endurance. Some time had passed since their last fight and he'd forgotten just how unrelenting the guy was. Going again? Robby didn't think he had it in him. His head felt like it was gonna pop with the return of his migraine and his limbs ached with fatigue, really only seconds away from dropping off at the joints.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Still, he couldn't show any of that, having a feeling that if he looked at Sensei Kreese for any help, it would only encourage the man into giving the go ahead for round 2. So instead, Robby glared at Shawn and stood his ground, not wanting to seem weak, "What? You're not tired of losing?" He bit back, cockily smirking through the ache in his body.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That was enough to provoke Shawn into another rage and he was just about to stomp up to Robby and lay into him when Kreese stepped in, "That's enough, back to your spots" he ordered and Robby let out a breath he didn't even know he'd been holding. Stopping a fight wasn't like Kreese at all and the teenager wondered at the reason but the relief from getting a break overwhelmed any questions.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shawn definitely didn't share his feelings, the anger deeply set in his features, "What happened to the fight's not over till it's over?" he huffed out, clenching his fists, "Sensei" he reluctantly added after a moment of thinking as he moved his glare from Robby to the man in charge.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> say it's over" Sensei Kreese declared and his tone was final, "Now back to your spot, Mr. Payne" There was no room for disagreement and Shawn let out a disapproving 'tch' before going back to where he originally stood.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>On his spot as Kreese ordered another two to fight, Robby looked across the mat to meet Shawn's glare. The guy mouthed out another threat but Robby's head was too clouded with pain to actually decipher it and he settled on a silent scowl in reply.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>To the left of him, Tory leaned in, her face furrowed in confusion, "What was that about?" She asked in a hushed voice so that Kreese wouldn't get on her for speaking during a fight.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Glancing at her, Robby internally winced as as even moving his eyeballs hurt, "... juvy sucks" </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He didn't have the energy to explain any further than that, exhaling deeply to regulate the waves of pain going through him as he moved his attention back to the front.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Receiving more glares from Shawn across the mat as his migraine pounded relentlessly against his skull, Robby's doubts about cobra kai only grew.</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The moment training ended, Shawn immediately started to make his way across the mat when Kreese caught him, smoothly pulling him off to the side. He went reluctantly and they spoke about something that Robby couldn't care less about. All he wanted now was to go to sleep and not wake up. For a while at least.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He'd tensed up when the two had finished talking but, luckily, whatever Sensei Kreese had said made Shawn momentarily give up on getting payback. The ex juvenile offender sent Robby one final glare before turning around and leaving the dojo. Robby let himself slump against the wall in relief. The whole scene was feeling way too much like juvy for his liking, especially the part where every part of his body was in pain.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Getting the gist that Robby didn't want to talk about his fight with the 'new guy', Tory thankfully didn't push too many questions on him, only giving a quick reminder about the arcade on saturday before she left.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone else started to slowly filter out of the dojo as well until, once again, it was just him and Sensei Kreese. Just like it had been every day for the past week. Trying not to seem like he was that affected from a couple of fights, Robby straightened himself back up as the man walked up to him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kreese nodded slowly, placing his hands in the loop of his belt, "Good fight. Mr. Payne is a formidable opponent" he commented, eyes scanning over Robby's new injuries.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shifting under the uncomfortable scrutiny, Robby scowled, "Yeah, I guess that's why you recruited him" he said, a slightly accusatory tone underlying his words.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sensei Kreese's smirk had him partially baring his teeth in a way that felt almost threatening, "Of course, your description of him led me to believe he could be a valuable asset to Cobra Kai"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So Robby was right, it was his own stupid comments that brought Shawn back. He tried not to let the annoyance show too much on his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kreese moved back slightly, again looking at Robby's injuries from the fight. He gave a quick nod towards the showers, "Wash that blood off and then take a break Keene'' He clamped a firm hand down on Robby's shoulder, his smirk widening as he leaned in, "you've earned it"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hearing that, the inevitable need for approval rose within Robby, asking to be fulfilled. He forcibly pushed it down and moved out of Kreese's hold. Great. His head was really starting to hurt again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was my attempt at writing a longer fight scene, hopefully it was coherent enough. </p>
<p>I really want Shawn back for season 4</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. I want to let go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No car, no board and no money, Robby made his way to the rehab centre on foot. He'd showered and cleaned up to the best of his ability but after catching his reflection in the entrance doors, it was clear he hadn't done that good of a job.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No matter how much he had tried to cover his bruised forehead by fixing his head to the front, it kept uncooperatively flopping to the sides. He'd also used a ridiculous amount of lemon shower gel on himself to get rid of the musty, metallic smell from training but it was still kinda there. At least he'd washed off all the blood- <em> blood on his hands- </em></p>
<p>Finally, Robby put on the only spare change of clothes he had and hoped he looked at least a little more put together than his last visit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remembering how his <em> last visit </em>had ended up with him getting arrested, he felt stupid for fussing over his current appearance so much. Nothing could really beat the low point of grimy two week old clothes, hastily cut bangs and a head full of paranoia not to mention the new criminal record he'd acquired.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He grimaced regretfully at the memory and examined his reflection just a little more before going in. The reddening and minor swelling across his cheekbone and along his jaw were harder to cover and he hoped his mom wouldn't worry too much when she noticed. Not like there was anything to worry about as it was just a few scrapes from training.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He went up to the reception and stated his reason for visitation. Ignoring the looks he'd gotten signing himself in, he walked to go find her. Moving through the lobby to the break room, it wasn't long before he spotted his mom. She was sitting in the shaded area of the garden, beside a large oak tree.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Talking animatedly with someone and smiling brighter than ever, Robby could see that she was happy. It made him a little lighter seeing her like that. Even the migraine currently beating his brain lessened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The conversation between his mom and whoever her friend was, finished with the friend passing by Robby as he left. He gave the teenager a kind look even if it held a little of that same suspicion everyone else was giving him. Robby could admit that he looked a little worse for wear so he didn't blame them. But it didn't mean it wasn't annoying to be seen as some degenerate wherever he went.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He forgot all about it though when he saw his mom's face light up at his arrival, "Robby!" She exclaimed, getting up immediately to pull him into a tight hug.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hugging her back just as tightly, he ignored the pain of several bruises being pressed. After a few seconds, she let go, "I've missed you so-" she started, stopping once she saw all the bruising on her son's face. Her smile dimmed, "Robby what happened?" She asked, tenderly cupping his face and examining it with heavy concern in her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Uh…" Robby fumbled, averting his eyes as he gently pulled her hands from his face, "you know karate…" he said, sitting down. She did the same, the worry never leaving her eyes. He felt the heavy feeling come back knowing he was the reason she wasn't smiling anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"So you're still doing karate..." she softly stated and Robby felt his throat constrict.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Still doing karate after almost kil- </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> After you almost kil- </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Robby just nodded, dismissing her unsaid words, "yeah" he answered, looking down at the table. He watched the light dance on it, ignoring all the other rehab patients milling around as he tried to imagine it was just him and his mom spending the nice sunny day in a park. His illusion broke when he looked up and saw her face still tense with worry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She must've realized how she was looking at him because she quickly made an effort to brighten her expression, "I got something for you" she said, a little more upbeat and Robby looked at her curiously as she turned, reaching down to grab something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Seeing the skateboard in her hands, he perked up, his features softening as she handed it to him, "This…" recognizing the marking on it, his eyes narrowed, "My skateboard… I thought I left it at the LaRus…" he faded off, seeing his mom's nervous yet hopeful gaze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Daniel came by- Robby please just listen" she pleaded when he sighed in frustration at the mention of Mr. LaRusso. He gripped his skateboard tighter in lieu of making any comments.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"He told me what happened…" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Robby looked at her. He wondered how Mr. LaRusso had phrased him practically defecting to cobra kai. Judging by the look on his mom's face, his old sensei probably framed it like it was the worst thing he could possibly do. Well screw him. Robby was doing just fine without a jacuzzi in his backyard. He'd slept in worse places anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Robby, joining Cobra Kai, sleeping in the back of some strip mall dojo, what are you thinking?" She questioned, likely trying to understand the sudden and strange developments in her son's life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Robby shrugged, not knowing what she wanted to hear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'm just worried about you" she told him and Robby felt the guilt expand at her anxious tone, "and so is everyone else"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn't want to hear it, hear how they all still cared-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Daniel cares, Robby and so does… so does your dad" she added the end part hesitantly, no doubt expecting the angry look on Robby's face when she brought <em> him </em>up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah sure, that's why he barely visited me in juvie- he just cares too much" he remarked sarcastically. <em> He does care too much, just not about you- </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>"And Mr. LaRusso was the reason I was in there in the first place-" <em> The reason you were in there was because you almost kil-  </em></p>
<p>"-The last thing I need is either of them back in my life" he said angrily, holding his board hard enough to break it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His mom had a sad look on her face, "I know how you feel but... Daniel really was looking out for you" she insisted through Robby's look of doubt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"If they'd caught you on the run, they could've given you a lot more time" She tried to reason to Robby who turned away, gritting his teeth in annoyance, "I <em> know </em>that, okay?" he replied, his tone a bit harsher than he'd meant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Seeing his mom a bit taken aback by his attitude, Robby tried to calm down. Logically, he <em> knew </em> 2 months in juvie for almost kil- he knew that was a good deal and he <em> knew </em> he could've gotten more time and he <em> knew </em>that he'd been lucky. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yet, the feelings of anger, betrayal and shame from it all just wouldn't go away. For those 2 months, those feelings had just festered in him, twisting into one big ball of hatred that he didn't know what to do with.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's not just because Mr. LaRusso called the cops on me before I could even-" Robby made a small noise of frustration, "It's like he didn't think I could make the decision on my own..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He remembered every detail, down to the look on Mr. LaRusso's face when he got hauled away by the cops. The look that said he probably regretted ever bringing this troublesome kid into his life. And who wouldn't regret it? The man's reputation, business and family were all disrupted because of him. Robby eased his grip on the skateboard as his mom reached out to place a comforting hand on his arm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"He regrets how the cops arrived before he could talk to you" she told him but Robby just looked down at the table in resentment. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why couldn't she understand that Mr. LaRusso wasn't an option? Yeah, he was mad about the cops but it wasn't just that. His sensei had reached his limits with him. All this <em> apologizing, giving the skateboard to mom </em> , <em> trying to fix things </em>. It was all out of an obligation to be a decent person to this fucked up kid who only ended fucking up his life in return.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Robby hated Mr.LaRusso for giving him hope. He hated him for taking it away. He hated him for abandoning him- except of course the man would prioritise his family, of course he would and Robby couldn't fault him for that. But he still hated him for sending him to juvy like that, like Robby was someone bad who needed to be taken away from good society.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hated all that stuff Mr. LaRusso had done but… he didn't hate Mr.LaRusso. The guy had still helped him so much, helped his mom even… So the least Robby could do was have him let go of that goddamn obligation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Mom, I don't care anymore, I don't need him anymore" he declared, "I'm done."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shannon Keene blinked at him, pulling back her hand as the concern in her face grew, "What do you mean by that? I know you're still angry but-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"-I don't want to talk about Mr. LaRusso, I… I came here to see you, how you're doing so just…" Robby confessed, his tone a bit gentler, "can we talk about that?..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>While the concerned look didn't go away, she gave him a small smile and nodded, "okay"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Robby gave her a hesitant smile in return and felt his nerves settle down once she started to talk about how rehab was helping her. Her face lit up when she spoke about how she was improving and outlined her ambitions once she finished the program. Seeing how much happier she was made the weight on his shoulders considerably lessen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"-oh!" His mom suddenly said after talking about her life coach, Terrence something, "I should've introduced you two to each other, you just missed him when you got here"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Is he the guy I saw you talking to earlier?" Robby asked, wondering what exactly a 'life coach' did. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>His mom nodded enthusiastically, "Oh Robby, you're really going to like him, he's so down to earth yet spiritual at the same time" she explained, promising to have him be there for the next visit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Robby gave her a kind smile, suppressing any remarks about the guy. He didn't know him but his mom's taste in men wasn't exactly the best. But then again, rehab had really changed her so maybe her judgement had gotten better too? He widened his smile, "yeah, he sounds great"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were a couple of more minutes of praise for Terrence, before his mom paused, looking at Robby, "Are you doing okay?" She genuinely asked to which the teenager automatically nodded, about to answer vaguely when she continued.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's just..." his mom began carefully and he straightened up at the shift in tone, "I've been told some things about Cobra Kai and the man who runs it now...an-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Robby frowned, pulling away from the conversation, "I don't want to talk about-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"He's dangerous Robby- I don't want you around him or Cobra Kai-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"-Well, where else am I supposed to go? 'Cause I'm not going back to the LaRussos-" he started to raise his voice, "And I'm sure as hell not gonna stay with my fucking dad-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The looks he was getting and his mom's gentle warning to calm down forced him to stop and take some deep breaths. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Robby, I know it's difficult with Johnny right now but if what he's told me about John Kreese is true then you can't stay-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The table clattered as he abruptly got up from it, the skateboard's edge hitting the chair with a hard clack. Robby was well aware of the scene he was making as one of the rehab workers placed a hand on some pager probably to call for security if Robby acted up any more. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>His mom seemed surprised by his attitude and blinked up at him, looking at a complete loss of what to say, "Robby-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn't want to talk anymore. He'd only wanted to come here and see his mom and not have to think about everything. Why was she bringing all of this other stuff up? The grip on his skateboard tightened and he constrained himself from making anymore of a show, "I- I'll visit again in a couple of days, okay- I just- I'm gonna go now-" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>His mom started to get up but Robby moved too quickly for her, leaving her there in the garden as he weaved his way through the people inside and exited on the other end. Hastily walking away from the center, his head started swelling astronomically under the weight of all the guilt he felt. He hated seeing that look on her face. That-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"-Argh!" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Turning a corner, he was too distracted by his own thoughts to see the low hanging branch of a tree in his path and smashed into it, hard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pain burst through his scalp and he clutched at his head to suppress it. It hurt so much. It all hurt so goddamn much.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Finally realized I have to manually update the publication date for my fic to show up.</p>
<p>This chapter has some happy Robby but you'll miss it if you blink.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! Comments and criticisms are welcome.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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